Put. The. Fear. Down.
Fear and uncertainty can cause us to double down on finding things we think we can control. For some of us working parents it has been a difficult week of trying to manage "control" around working from home and becoming teachers for our children. To cope as a self-imposed type-A personality, I scoured websites, bought supplies and even tried lesson planning. Tried to get up even earlier to finish work at futile attempts.
The truth is, I feel like I am drowning without my routines and my normalcy. I told some friends yesterday that it felt like my chest was tightening and my stomach was never settled. Truth is, I just wanted to sit with my emotions, write about them, journal, read, meditate, enjoy my kids, laugh with them, go outside.
The information on social media is hard to digest and often unforgiving. "This isn't a vacation or donate, give blood, do this, do that, you can't do this, why would you do that?" It's just too much and overwhelming.
As I told some of my colleagues (thank goodness I work with performance coaches), as my chest tightens and my stomach aches, I try to soothe it by trying to wrap my hands (here I show them clenched hands over Zoom) around all the things I think I can control like my children's school work or working from home. My colleague gave me this image.
He often tells his athletes and clients that this control is like trying to squeeze butter in your hands. The harder you squeeze, the more the butter slips right through your fingers.
We are not in a state of normal and the more we can accept where we are and BREATH, perhaps we can adapt to being present. As far as I know, NOTHING is normal for anyone. The rules are changing and the ONE thing you can control is how you are reacting to the stress.
Another colleague said, "How about letting it go."
I repeated the mantra and the grip around my chest seemed to loosen. So, I've been using two techniques from my athletic career to help with the fear and the letting go.
Technique 1: Release the mind
First technique I used as a competitor was to repeat certain words when I felt that I was too anxious or my mind started to spin or get negative. The words I am using now are "let it go". When I want to tighten my grip around work ("Iris, you are working hard enough and not being productive.") or around teaching my children ("Iris, everyone else is doing a better job at this, so get it under control"), I use those words "let it go" to loosen up and give permission to the fear to pass through me.
Technique 2: Release the body
Second technique I used as a fencer was to tap into the power of breath. More specifically, tension and relaxation through breath. If I was tense, I would ball up all of my energy and tense up as best as I could, and then breath out and let go of that tension. Do this a few times and it helps to calm the nervous system. It's like overloading the system or telling it, "Okay, if you want to play the tension game, let's just ball it all up all at once." Imagine scrunching up all your muscles including your face muscles...make yourself laugh and do this in a mirror and then breath out and let it all go.
Fear is the mind-killer and can control us when we aren't watching. Let it go, breath and what you are doing now is enough. You are enough. We are enough and we will pass through to a new place together.
Meanwhile, you can also use this to help you remember.
