The Not-So Resilient Olympian- Patience versus Acceptance
The successful people of the world have been known to say that, "Patience is a key element of success". Fencing requires lots of patience - unfortunately, I had and still have none of it.
It's not my fault, I don't think. I was born with no patience and in fact, I was so in a hurry to be born that I was one month premature (a fact my Mother reminds me of each birthday). "Iris," she says, "you don't have enough patience and this will hold you back." Super, thanks Mom. Even my second fencing coach told me I had a lot of shpilkes (SHPILL-kiss) - the Yiddish word for impatience or restlessness. So it's safe to say that patience is NOT a virtue that I possess.
The more I work with high performers, the more I realize that many of them/we possess a sense of urgency or a pacing fueled by either anxiety, fear, or just pure and plain old impatience.
A client that works in healthcare gets frustrated that things are not moving at the pace she would like. "They should just see my idea works, what are they waiting for?"
A startup or small business CEO that just does the work themselves without input from their team. "I'll do it myself, it's just faster."
Me, starting a business and wanting my vision to be the reality RIGHT NOW.
We want things and we want things in our time. If things don't move quickly or at our pace - we of the "Tribe of Impatience" can get resentful and break trust with those around us.
The impatience and urgency can serve us to complete tasks or put big energy behind difficult problems, but there are times where this impatience can really be a detriment. Sometimes this impatience can give way to poor decisions - in one case a start up created a sense of urgency where there wasn't any, which then led to burnout and confusion. In another case, the urgency and impatience of one co-worker became an annoying personality trait for others causing disconnected relationships and distrust.
If we find ourselves being told to have patience, what can we do about it?
Swap Patience for the word Acceptance
A friend of mine recently remarked that when someone tells her to be patient, she feels like that person is trying to tell her to shut up and slow down when all she wants to do is speed up. The healthcare client I have feels that being told to have patience is not only belittling, it also takes away her sense of autonomy and control.
Think about being told to be patient in a doctor's office waiting area. The time is indeterminant and there is nothing you can do about it. Impatience leads us to feel like it's taking forever, our heart rates go up and we get annoyed. What if you accepted that you will be waiting? Your mindset shifts and you begin to focus your energy on utilizing the time more intentionally - maybe read, maybe listen to this amazing webcast called Untrained (shameless plug), ultimately spending less time focused on being upset.
If we switch PATIENCE with ACCEPTANCE here are some questions we can ask to regain a sense of control.
a. Ask yourself what you need to accept about the current situation? What's the reality of it today?
b. Ask yourself what can you control or shift in this moment? If the answer isn't available, maybe it's time to take a breath, a pause, or even ask for a sounding board to talk it through (coaches are great for this!!).
The point of these questions is to release you from hyper focusing on the anxiety or annoyance to focusing on the bigger picture. When we feel a sense of urgency, our mind wants to focus on the feeling or discomfort it's creating rather than the higher outcome we are seeking.
Check your trust
a. What or who am I not trusting? The process, the person or the promise?
b. Why is there a lack of trust? Is there something within my control in relationship to the process, person or promise?
c. Is there someone that can support me or help me "check my trust" that a scenario or situation will or will not happen?
d. Do I trust myself to get what I need within this scenario? Why or why not?
When we have a sense of urgency or feeling of impatience, there is quite often some sense of anxiety or fear behind it. The emotions want to drive our behavior, but it is up to us to choose the path of facts and not fiction - acceptance, trust and taking a closer look may end up being the quicker path to success.
Curious about coaching for better performance and mindsets? Schedule a free consultation session with me today.
Note: Any and all grammar mistakes are because I am impatient and just wanted to publish this article.